I’m starting to question my reality

Watching the NBA this season has been interesting. I usually like to watch sports so I can root AGAINST the evil empires. The Yankees, the Raiders, the Lakers, and any other team that Johnny Bandwagon decides to support because they’ve experienced “eleventeen years of awesome in a row!”

When the Mavericks started playing the Miami Heat in the NBA Finals, I was faced with a real conundrum. I hate the Mavericks, and I hate the Heat. But everyone has to pick a side. Even if it’s only for the duration of the playoffs. Do I continue my lifelong ban on rooting against the Mavericks or do I continue to honor my strong dislike for all things LeBron, Dwayne and the Velociraptor? Because one of my long-standing rules is any kid under the age of 18 that manages to get featured on the cover of Sports Illustrated, I automatically hate. (The jury is still out on Bryce Harper. )

How can you root FOR this?

Some things I learned whilst watching the NBA Finals this year:

  1. Dirk Nowitzki isn’t all that bad. In fact, he’s real easy to root for. Being a fan of a Western Conference team that Dirk punks with annual regularity, I have spent most of my life hating him. This year, at least temporarily, he’s really not so bad. After uttering that statement, I think my cerebellum just popped.
  2. Now that LeBron has lost ANOTHER championship, I’m going to get back to my loser-y life. Thanks for the reminder, Lebron. It’s nice to know that you’re so out of touch with fans of the NBA that you feel the need to lobotomize them during your post-game press conference. The great thing is, when I woke up this morning, I had as many championship rings as you do. And I don’t even play in the NBA for a living!
  3. I like Mark Cuban. There. I said it.
  4. I feel bad for Eric Spoelstra. He’s a good coach and he knows what he’s doing, and he’s saddled with three players who are always looking for an excuse when they lose. Like their coach.
  5. With no one else to blame, LeBron now turns his blame on God.

  6. Dwayne Wade makes some bad decisions. Making fun of a dude with a sinus infection when you’re down 3-2 on national TV. Dating Starr Jones in 2005. I rest my case.
  7. DeSean Stevensen speaks the truth. Even if I can’t stand the backwards Pittsburgh Pirates logo on his CHEEK.
  8. Anytime the NFL wants to start up, I am down.
  9. Chris Bosh should go back to the dreadlocks. He looked a little more powerful then. Like a Na’vi from Avatar. Now he looks like an ostrich with a mouthpiece who still hasn’t figured out how to move without the ball.
  10.  JJ Barea is apparently the man. Not only does he go by initials, but he’s also currently dating a former Ms. Universe. Oh yeah, and him starting in game 4 is what contributed to the Mavericks winning. And all while being the size of a salad fork.

It doesn’t quite add up, does it?

My reality has been shaken. Next I feel like defending Ramona from the “Real Housewives of New York City” Someone…help me.


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