A Visual Delight Wrapped in a Basket of Suckiness

I get it, Tim Burton. You are “out there” and “wacky” and you’re dealing with a story that was clearly originally written under the influence of heroin. I mean, I was with you for some of the way, but then I just had to take a step back and realize that your most recent movie really sucks. Why you ask, Tim Burton defender? Well for the following mostly:

  • Your story makes no sense. Maybe that’s the whole idea, you were really trying to focus on the fact of Alice finding her “muchness”. A nice concept. But if you’re going to have this story take place ten years AFTER the original Alice in Wonderland and then make Alice a 19-year old girl that is returning to Wonderland, err I mean Underland for the second time, then overall I feel a little bit hornswoggled. Maybe you should have called it “Alice in Wonderland 2: Electric Boogaloo” Not only is it more accurate, but it nicely describes the overall look and feel you achieved. I was waiting for any number of characters to start break dancing.
  • The misuse of Johnny Depp. It’s fun that he gets to wear elaborate costumes and kabuki makeup, but his character really didn’t have a whole lot to do. And maybe this was on purpose, but he kept switching from an English accent  to an Irish accent willy nilly.  Pick one, Johnny. Oh and by the way, your green contacts and white skin looked really fake.
  • Helena Bonham Carter. Rule of thumb: avoid her at all costs. Apologies that the two of you are married.
  • Crispin Glover. See above. Hopefully you’re not married to him as well.
  • Sheer boredom. This was the overarching emotion I felt while watching your film. I would have rather been alphabetizing my t-shirts.

What I DID like however:

  • Mia Wasikowski or whatever her real name is. The chick that played Alice is a great actress. Put her in a movie with Sam Worthington and I think I might just die right then and there.
  • Your visual effects were fun. I saw it in 3D and was not disappointed, but NOTHING can compare to the 3D world of Avatar, so apparently I’m now a 3D snob.

To sum up, even though 50 million people will see this movie, it’s just meh.

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