I’m Pretty Sure Prince is an Alien

My friend was proposing this theory recently, and I have to say that I wholeheartedly agree. Prince HAS to be an alien. Mostly for the following well thought out reasons:

Have you ever seen any childhood pictures of Prince? Yeah me either. Because they don’t exist!!!!

One of the first known photos of Prince. Notice he is not a child here. Or much of an athlete.

Any idea what “flavor” Prince is? Me either, but I’m thinking Uranusian.

Just WHERE is this man from?

Have you seen just how talented Mr. Prince is at the guitar? Yes, he is otherworldly good. The kind of good that can only come from being transported here from an alien world where they practice the guitar a lot more.

Remember that crazy time in the ’90’s when he changed his name to a symbol? I’m sure it was a symbol from an ancient Egyptian/Alien culture that symbolizes androgyny, smallness of stature and an affinity for drum machines.

His alien symbol on full display

In addition, he’s been very active with the ladies, even though he’s only 5′ 2″, wears high heeled boots, puffy shirts and a razor thin mustache. Totally an alien plot to hypnotize Earthly women with the power of synthesizers and drum machines and then impregnate all of them! There’s no other way he could have bagged Sheena Easton in her prime. None.

Off to make another alien/ human hybrid

Finally, the dude NEVER ages. Ever. He first emerged on the scene in 1970-something, yet has seemingly not aged even a day. If he didn’t change his fashions or straighten his long locks, you would NEVER be able to tell. Ever.

Then

Now

I’m telling you right now, “Little Red Corvette” is not some thinly veiled sex anthem. Oh no, it’s a tribute to the mother ship that deposited him here on Earth. He was probably expecting to be returned in “1999” and is now patiently waiting for his alien brethren to attack us in a hail of “Purple Rain.”

I have it all figured out!

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3 thoughts on “I’m Pretty Sure Prince is an Alien

  1. Once upon a time I had a very long NYC cab ride with a driver who had an elaborate theory about the aliens who run the world. I was torn by the intricacy of his analysis and wondering if I should make a run for it at the next red light. I knew at the time that I should write it all down.. All I can remember now was that the aliens were sent to NYC first to get socialized cause no one would notice. That the door keepers at hot clubs would let aliens in first and that Nancy Reagan was obviously an alien. And yes, you’re prob right that Prince is one too. The estimable Clive Davis said Prince was the most talented entertainer alive & would be his #1 draft pick. On second thought I’m pretty sure Clive wouldn’t have used that framing….

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  3. He’s on Uranus now! Before that I believe it was Jupiter and another source thinks he was from Venus at some point. He’s Prince the performer though wherever he goes…just fyi. I’m not an alien just spiritually gifted.

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