Ok. So hate may be a strong word, but “strongly dislike” doesn’t rhyme with Kate.
I was introduced to this show four seasons ago by my lovely wife. She LOVES it and really enjoys watching the daily struggles and tomfoolery of this madcap couple with one set of twins and one set of sextuplets (that’s Latin for sixtuplets.) I admit that it used to be fun to watch this family attempt to survive in a quicksand pit full of kids.
Body Language: Kate is currently verbally abusing. Jon is ducking for cover.
But NOW, this show has just become even more infuriating, and I can stand for it no longer. Jon & Kate, we were never dating, but if we were, this is why our relationship is now over.
- I Want to Punch Kate in the Throat
From her rooster haircut and ever crappier attitude, to her OBsession with cleaning and being mean, this lady is a train wreck with a capital CHOO CHOO. I understand that having eight children can be a stressful situation, but can you at least PRETEND to like your life when the cameras are on? During season one she seemed nice, a person, even. But ever since she cut her hair in alarmingly aggressive angles, her personality has started matching it. Go back to the hair you had when you got married, Kate. You were nice then. Even during the mind numbing interview portions she’s boring. And passive aggressive. And mean. Here is a recap of one entire half-hour show. That I actually WATCHED! (Int. of large house. Kate is busy cleaning. The children scamper in and out of the house. Kate yells at them. And still cleans. And then yells at them some more. And tells them to never set foot in her bedroom. Ever. Now back to cleaning.) By this time I was pouring Extra Strength Lysol into my own eyes.
- This Show is Truly About Nothing
Forget Seinfeld. Shortly after watching the aforementioned episode, there was another episode where Kate spent 5 hours cleaning the refrigerator in their new palatial home. While she watched the kids play from the kitchen window. This was on television, people!
- Liberate Jon Already!
Every episode, Jon looks like he wants to die or break things with his bare hands and make a break for it. I say we help to make this happen. Jon, call me. I’ve got an underground railroad for things just like this. (Call me Dorktrain Tubman.) I have already helped Bobby Brown get out from Whitney’s controlling thumb, and Nick Cannon just called me. So I can help you, brother.
- They are Friends with Oprah
Of course this is because they have isolated themselves from all of their other friends with their lavish lifestyle and by Kate just being plain mean. You’ll notice that they never have episodes where they get a babysitter and have friends over. There also is hardly ever a mention of family or that strange phenomenon called “grandparents.” Probably because when they tried to come over and visit, they cleaned the kitchen incorrectly, and Kate had them placed in a Serbian circus as musk oxen handlers.
- They are Walking Product Placements
I enjoyed this particular exchange in the season finale:
Jon: I have a lot of work to get done, so my insurance agent sent some stuff for me to look over. Camera pans to his computer screen and shows Jon moving the mouse up and down the Allstate website. Jon scrolls down the page. He scrolls up the page. We clearly see that it is the Allstate website. Jon continues to be swamped with “work to get done” and continues to scroll aimlessly. Dude, Allstate. I hope you didn’t pay too much for that blatant product placement. “The Biggest Loser” is more subtle with all of the crap they throw at their viewers.
- They Are on a TV Show, Yet Don’t Like Fame
Well, at least Jon doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like that everyone knows his name or the fact that when he parties with college coeds, the interwebs picks it up and broadcasts it everywhere. He also doesn’t like his big new free house, his free new hair plugs and hairline, his free ski trips to Utah (twice!) or the fact that everytime they’re on the cover of “Good Housekeeping” he has to wear a freaking sweater. This dude is going to buy a gun soon. Soon, people. Kate however, loves all of this. That she can namecheck Oprah on her show, that she has a free new tummy, and that her “work” consists of bossing around a television crew that probably is over all of three days a month.
- Jon Wants to Die
Every show. At least three times.
Goodbye, Jon & Kate and your 8. It has been fun. But I am going to move on to another large family. Even the Duggars aren’t nearly as annoying. (And they’re SUPER annoying.) Coincidentally, they’re also animatronic robots covered in wax, but I’m going to have to resort to them to get my large kid fix. Because Mrs. Duggar is never going to stop. Ever.