Luckily, I Have Nothing Else to Do Until May…

In case you haven’t heard, the American Idol has now begun. Great. I now have to carve out two to three WHOLE evenings in my very busy schedule which consists of:

  1. Doing nothing
  2. Trying out every cushion on my couch
  3. Contemplating what I would add to the ‘food pyramid’ if the the FDA asked me; Cheetos or Cherry Nibs? (Probably the Nibs, they don’t leave offensive orange dust on your fingertips.)   

and now devote that time to watching the television. The sacrifices that I make. Especially when ‘Lost’ starts next week and I’ll really be screwed. When will I have time for ‘Top Chef’?!

A few thoughts from the first round of tryouts:


  • A new judge. (!) This needed to happen about four years ago. And have her take the place of Paula. Now if we could just have DL Hughley take the place of Randy, then we’d really have something! I do think it’s awesome that after 8 seasons of doing this, that Paula still can’t tell people “No.” Instead it’s, “um…I’m going to have to pass” (while casting her eyes downward.) Eight years!
  • Girl with the unfortunate gauged ears and even uglier tattoos. I enjoy your voice, especially on the difficult and screechy “Barracuda” but I really hate your stupid gauged ears. This is one tradition we should have left in New Guinea where it belongs. If you actually make it to the Top 12, I’m afraid that all the grandmothers in America that back-lashed Carly Smithson would do the same to you.
  • Bikini Girl – luckily my DVR missed the twenty minutes of the show that you took up. I hope that you enjoy your six minutes of fleeting fame, and since you’ll probably wear a sweater to Hollywood, no one will actually know who you are.
  • The Blind dude. No doubt his story was inspirational. I can’t play the piano or sing and he even does a better job combing his hair than I do. And I can SEE myself in the mirror! But if we’re being honest with ourselves he really wasn’t that good of a singer. Shhhh. Don’t tell anyone because I think I’m pretty much the only one who knows.

Kansas City:

There were only a couple that I really liked:

  • Anoop Dawg . Who knew that an Indian American who’s wasting his parent’s money getting a masters in FOLKLORE at UNC would be able to produce such smooth, soulful sounds? Yeah. Not me.  Paula always looks like she’s in love with pretty much everyone after downing her Xanax, but the new judge even seemed impressed.
  • Lil Rounds. Not only do you have the best name in all of entertainment, but you can sing as well. And sure, you were caught in a hurricane and now live in a hotel, blah, blah, blah, but what is really amazing is that you are 23 and have three children (!) I will root for you until the top six. And then I will stop.
  • Asa Barnes. I only remember your name because it is so weird. But how can you NOT root for someone who not only teaches middle school marching band (my personal definition of hell) but who also has a cute daughter that he seems to…like and spend time with. Good for you Asa! You just made my list.
  • Danny Gokey. I realize that AI has to make us feel badly at least once an episode and the way they teased us with this guy over three commercial breaks, you knew it was going to be big. Losing his wife a mere month ago is about as depressing as imagining Ryan Seacrest’s personal life. And I don’t mind telling you that my face was beginning to leak. Just a wee bit, now. I mean, this was worse than the blind dude. But then he started singing, and he can actually sing! So he belongs on the show and should be a mortal lock for the top 12 with his singing AND saddest story ever.

Freakin’ AI. We’ll now be going steady for the next 5 months.


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