American Idol Recap – March 26, 2008 – The Top 10

Another elimination has come and gone and we’re continuing to crush the dreams of these kids (except Michael Johns, who apparently is a man) one by one. Some interesting observations from the week that was:

Ramiele is tiny. I haven’t observed this, but Paula Abdul keeps bringing up what a big voice that comes from such a tiny body. At least I think that’s what she said. I had a difficult time focusing on any words that were coming out of her mouth as she was gesturing with those ridiculous pleather, fingerless glove things. Hey, uh, Paula. 1986 called and they want their fake cows back. And could you go with them?

In addition, Ramiele selected Heart’s “Alone”. That was a particularly bad choice as it’s been done better by Carrie Underwood-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMBSDpB3WB8 and freakin’ Carly Smithson http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fP_ZdLc8DfQ I’m thinking that if I’m Ramiele I would take my tiny body and high-waisted shorts and hang out with my Fillipino parents. For like, ever.    

And speaking of ridiculous fashions, what is up with those high-waisted pants that Malubay keeps rocking? Are we on a cruise chip circa 1955? Is it fashionable to look like your can goes all the way up to your neck? Last I checked we weren’t living in a retirement community in Fort Lauderdale, but I could be mistaken. Or are they trying to make her 4” 6’ frame look taller? If that’s the case, they could start by not having her stand so close to Seacrest. It’s like Shawn Bradley standing next to pretty much anyone else.

High waistedIt’s Jason Castro’s birthday! He’s singing one of my favorite songs! But why does he continue to make such weird facial gestures when he sings? At one point I thought that he was going to pop an O-ring right there at the end or something. If singing makes you contort your face so much, I wonder what you look like when you’re doing something difficult…like tying your hair in an elaborate dread bun. Imagine the faces he makes then. Oh yeah and I finally figured who you look like.

 

Can I say that I am shocked. SHOCKED that America would fall for the cheesefest that was “God Bless America”! Shocked! As Kristy Lee was singing, I couldn’t help but flash back to the History Fair in 7th grade when I created a slide show on JFK’s life. Not actually having done any research, I made a bunch of slides from magazine articles and put it to Michael Jackson’s ‘Man in the Mirror’ with the powerful followup “Proud to be an American.” I mention this because that song is amazing when you’re in the 7th grade when you’ve just graduated from Tuffskin pants and showering more than once a week. It was a powerful conclusion to my presentation. But this is not the 7th grade History Fair. And Kristy Lee Cook still sucks. Just ask her horse that she was going to rescue if she made the show. He’s still with some other family! He doesn’t miss her! He doesn’t want her all-American looks astride his tawny flanks any more than you do… oh sorry. Anyway, she sucks.

The Chick sang a stupid R & B song and landed in the bottom three and ultimately went home. America doesn’t like R & B. There’s a reason Luther Vandross is dead.  

  • A) His weight fluctuated more than Oprah
  • B) R&B sucks

Syesha sang an R&B song as well and landed in the bottom three. The lesson to be learned here is that America does not like R&B and any week when she doesn’t make like Fergie and show off her lovely lady lumps she’s going to be in the bottom three. Example:

 

 Jumblies= successful                                                        

 

 Screeching her way through a song while usually wearing a non-sexy scarf = Bottom Three!  

I thought it was cute how they had famous rejects David “Banana Hammock” Hernandez, Danny “MuffinHead” Norigayga, and Amy “I’m Sort of Hot, You Should Have Given Me Another Chance, America” Davis on the front row right behind the RandyPaulaSimon. I’m sure those are coveted tickets, and Ramiele probably wanted her “best friend” around when she got kicked off. Except she didn’t! I hate America. And if you want to taste some bile in your mouth right now, go to Danny’s myspace page: http://www.myspace.com/dannypoprox he’s the one that looks like a chick.

If Michael Johns can sing Queen songs every week (and have impeccable concert lighting), he just might have a chance to win this whole thing. For country week next week, I’m predicting “Fat Bottom Girls” You read it here first!

Newsflash. Carly is not pregnant. She just had a really big lunch. She also revealed that she was “wearing a bunch of Spanx” during her performance. Since I do indeed have intimate knowledge of Spanx (I’m wearing four pair right now) I can tell you that they can be distracting. It’s taken me twenty minutes to type this line as the blood to my head has slowed to a crawl.

Me in my Spanx.

 

David Archuleta sort of has a girlfriend and will probably miss his prom. She has now quickly passed Heidi Montag as most hated girl in America. However have you seen Murray High? I don’t think their proms are really all that great.  He also sang a really weird John Farnham song. I thought, “this song really isn’t all that bad.” And then I saw what John Farnham looked like: No song this man sings could ever be considered good. 

 

And David Cook is amazing. He’s the only one that has songs that I even want to download. And remember how Ryan said how they couldn’t tell us how many downloads they’ve actually received, but if they did, they’d be in the top 5? Apparently he wasn’t lying: Weekly iTunes Top 10 (all songs)

1. Billie Jean — David Cook
2. Eleanor Rigby — David Cook
3. Let It Be — Brooke White
4. We Will Rock You — Michael Johns
5. Hello — David Cook
6. You’re The Voice — David Archuleta
7. Hallelujah — Jason Castro
8. Imagine — David Archuleta
9. Every Breath You Take — Brooke White
10. Day Tripper — David Cook

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4 thoughts on “American Idol Recap – March 26, 2008 – The Top 10

  1. Wow. Just wow!

    You officially jumped up to top two in the funniest people in the world. This is one of the greatest reads that I have had in a while. I think that if I take a month to put together my next blog entry, I might have something half as great as this.

    Keep it coming. You just got a new blog stalker.

  2. Hi there,

    Just have to say one thing on John Farnham.

    He has had a number one song each decade since the 60’s. Please tell me why you think songs he sings aren’t good.

  3. Hi Andrew,

    Just to be clear, I have absolutely nothing against John Farnham the singer. Obviously to have the kind of lasting power that he has, he’s got to be quite talented.

    Quite honestly, I had never heard any of his songs before last week’s American Idol. The song that little tiny David sang sounded ok, sort of like a song that you’d hear at a wedding or a bar mitzvah or a swap meet.

    My only comment was the pictures I found of him on the Interweb looked freakishly scary. Of course, I am wearing Spanx right now, so my thought process could be a little bit distorted.

  4. Hilarious! I want a review on country night. I know you must be disappointed that Michael Johns didn’t sing Fat Bottom Girls, but the song he did sing just about made me melt all over the floor. He just might be my new fav.

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