Catch the Dorktrain to Nerdtown!

8. Cloverfield
Yes. the camera is herky jerky. You can thank the the “Bourne” series and Paul Greengrass for that. Although if I was running around New York filming EVERYTHING, I’m sure that it would look better with a Steadicam or a tripod and the large, unfortunate dude behind the Handicam didn’t have one of those. However, even though everyone in this particular film was attractive, and there’s NO WAY they could have afforded that loft apartment where the party took place, even with hotshot’s new job in Japan, I enjoyed it. Even the ending. Even the weird looking monster thing. I thought it was awesome, and gave you a different perspective of the whole Godzilla story which has been played out for over 60 years.

7. MLS Soccer 
Make fun of me all you want, callous reader, but soccer may officially be here to stay in America. For at least another four or five years until jai alai makes it’s way from Miami. I attended my first MLS game with my hot wife this year and it was fun. Even though it rained the entire game, they still played. That is why soccer and football are the best sports in the world. Unlike those royal pansies that suspend play in baseball when there’s a whiff of moisture in the air, and then hurry to cover up their dirt paths and bases with a giant tarp; soccer players play on regardless. Now if they could just stop faking injuries, only to have a trainer run out with magical spray that makes everything better, we’d really have something. It ALSO helped that Real Salt Lake was actually a good team this year. Sure, they have the dumbest team name in all of American sport behind the freaking Utah Jazz, but they almost made it to the MLS cup finals. With a guy that was on the team roster last year coaching them.

6. Blackout–by Britney Spears
Ok, yes. She is a train wreck. And no, I am not a gay man. But there is something strangely compelling about watching someone slowly spiral down the drain at the tender age of 25 that is fun to watch. Miley Cyrus, hopefully you and your smoker’s voice are next. This album is so great because she finally threw her doped-up hands in the air and was all, “Screw it, I can’t sing without the aid of a computer and some of the most expensive producers that money can buy, y’all, and I’m done pretending. Oh yeah, I also refuse to promote this album or even tour for it because I’m currently shaving my head and punching photographers with umbrellas.” But there’s just something about her quaint little robot music that is inherently fun to listen to. Yes, she’s about as deep as a rain puddle when it comes to song writing. Her writers have diligently cranked out a few selections of pablum that even a junior high English class could have improved (Get Naked? Perfect Lover? Seriously? What are you, 12? Even Sisqo had deeper songs than this!) and her voice is about as pure as a tub of Country Crock, but it does happen to be a pretty great collection of electronic boops and beeps for working out to. If you enjoy that.

5. The Amazing Race
Consistently one of the best shows on the TeeVee each and every year. Not only is it like, stressful watching people battle for positions on airplanes and berate their taxi drivers that seemingly never have an idea of where they’re going, but it’s also fun to see how clumsy, loud Americans from different parts of the country stumble and bumble their way through some very random countries. For example, everyone SPEAKS LOUDER when their hapless taxi drivers don’t understand what little hole in the wall they need to travel to next. And invariably when they reach the small monastery on top of a mountain where a local monk hands them an envelope with their next clue in the race, they rip it open and don’t even give a word of thanks to the poor guy or acknowledge him further. I can almost hear him saying, “I’m only doing this show so the orphans can have porridge…Holy crap, look at the size of that guy!” Also, host Phil Keogan’s eyebrows could have their very own show. If that’s not enough, the most recent season featured a competitor named Star and another competitor that had the hots for her by the name of Dallas. It’s fun to imagine if they were to get married, as they would have the same name as a hockey team, the Dallas Stars. How often does that happen? Not often. Except for those of you that may know my friends Nashville and Red Wing.

4. The Super Bowl. ‘08 Edition
Consistently, this game is a yawner. However the 2008 edition actually lived up to it’s title. It featured everything you look for in a big, exciting event where the commercials are usually more entertaining than the “game” on the field. It featured perhaps the world’s evilest team (right behind the Raiders of any era) with a boyishly handsome quarterback and an even more evil coach that everyone is SURE is going to win. (The undefeated Patriots.) Couple them against a ragtag bunch of accumulated players with a coach who almost got fired the year before and a starting quarterback that looks like he’d be more at home in a duck blind at the top of a tree in Kentucky then flinging a football around. Throw in some excitement in the fourth quarter and you’ve got a GAME to remember, my friends. Needless to say, when the NY Giants pulled off what is arguably the upset of the last several DECADES, punctuated by David Tyree’s 3rd down catch off of the top of his helmet as he simultaneously fell to the ground with the arrogant Rodney Harrison covering him tighter than a pair of spandex knickers, I was left emotionally spent, yet blissfully happy. It was much like the epic battles of Michelle Kwan against an evil and robotic Irina Slutskaya, as they skated to the death to see who would take the crown in the 1998 Winter Olympics one cold, bitter evening… (Maybe we should move on, as I realize football and ICE SKATING, really don’t have that much in common.)

3. The Dark Knight 
Three words. Fah. Reaking. Awesome. Yes, it was a tad dark, and uh, yes it brought up complex questions that could be discussed whilst wearing a mock turtleneck. But this film contained superb acting by everyone both alive and dead, no Katie Holmes, some super cool explosions and “how’d they do that?” scenes plus the coolest motorcycle this side of Evil Knivel and you really have something. 

2. Music on the Interwebs
Want to find some new music? Welcome to my friend, the world wide webs. Whether it’s Pandora for discovering new music, Grooveshark for hearing or finding specific songs, LaLa for being able to purchase actual CD’s from other members for a buck or Amazon offering mp3’s without the evil DRM strings attached, the Interwebs is a great place to hear about a new band before they instantly become uncool again. (The window is very short these days.) So discover a new band, and maybe even buy it. Even though they’ve stopped suing people recently, I’m sure the RIAA will find some way to make you regret liking music, (perhaps by STILL charging $17.00 for a CD! Who does that? Who has actually purchased a CD recently???) but for now, we have the internets.

1. Project Runway
Even though the contestants were boring for the most part, and the winner was a very sedate, mousy nerd with library glasses and an over abundance of teals, blues and whites in her final collection, I love this stupid show. Mostly because everyone on the show uses the word “garment” when I would simply call them “clothes.” However, they are able to fashion some good looking garments out of fabrics in a near record amount of time. I am consistently fascinated by their creativity. (However, not with Suede. He was just there for the audience to yell, “Shut up!”, I’m sure of it.) By the end of the season, I even catch myself commenting on the different garment’s “chic-ness” and “wear-ability” while sitting on my couch in a sport coat, an ascot and dark glasses. I would really like to take this time to emphasize again, that I am indeed a heterosexual male. Thank you.

This show=good. This man=bad.