Catch the Dorktrain to Nerdtown!

My friend was proposing this theory recently, and I have to say that I wholeheartedly agree. Prince HAS to be an alien. Mostly for the following well thought out reasons:

Have you ever seen any childhood pictures of Prince? Yeah me either. Because they don’t exist!!!!

One of the first known photos of Prince. Notice he is not a child here. Or much of an athlete.

Any idea what “flavor” Prince is? Me either, but I’m thinking Uranusian.

Just WHERE is this man from?

Have you seen just how talented Mr. Prince is at the guitar? Yes, he is otherworldly good. The kind of good that can only come from being transported here from an alien world where they practice the guitar a lot more.

Remember that crazy time in the ’90’s when he changed his name to a symbol? I’m sure it was a symbol from an ancient Egyptian/Alien culture that symbolizes androgyny, smallness of stature and an affinity for drum machines.

His alien symbol on full display

In addition, he’s been very active with the ladies, even though he’s only 5′ 2″, wears high heeled boots, puffy shirts and a razor thin mustache. Totally an alien plot to hypnotize Earthly women with the power of synthesizers and drum machines and then impregnate all of them! There’s no other way he could have bagged Sheena Easton in her prime. None.

Off to make another alien/ human hybrid

Finally, the dude NEVER ages. Ever. He first emerged on the scene in 1970-something, yet has seemingly not aged even a day. If he didn’t change his fashions or straighten his long locks, you would NEVER be able to tell. Ever.

Then

Now

I’m telling you right now, “Little Red Corvette” is not some thinly veiled sex anthem. Oh no, it’s a tribute to the mother ship that deposited him here on Earth. He was probably expecting to be returned in “1999″ and is now patiently waiting for his alien brethren to attack us in a hail of “Purple Rain.”

I have it all figured out!