When I hear the word “disco” it makes me get all cold and clammy inside and have visions of the Bee Gees and hairy chests and fevers that only happen on Saturday Night. (Or, if you’re Kara, Saturday Night Live.) So when I heard that the theme this week was disco, I started breathing all heavy like I had just been abducted and thrown in the back of one of those window-less kidnapper vans. You know, in keeping with the 1970’s theme this week, because the ’70’s were all about avoiding kidnappers in window-less vans.
Standard edition kidnapper van. A staple of the ’70’s
However, lucky for us, the home viewer, many of the kids decided to show their “artistry” (probably just to get Kara to shut up about it) and switch up their disco-fied songs into songs that were actually um…good. Here is my personal list of the good, the bad and the lycra-ensconced.
The Good
1. Kris Allen
Yes, Kris was good, yet again. In fact, I have actually made my way over to the iTunes and purchased this weeks “She Works Hard for the Money” and last week’s “Falling Slowly” and I have used actual money to do so. He was actually able to uncover the “story” under this Donna Summer song, and that story is about someone who works hard. And they do it for money. Nicely done, Kris. Way to get at the meat of this deep story. However, I did enjoy Seacrest imploring me before he sang, “You’re going to like this one.” Thanks Ry. I guess all that time hanging at your place listening to our favorite CD’s together and making pita bread has really paid off. You know what I like! Thanks for that!
Working hard for that money. And the win!
2. Allison Iraheta
First of all, anyone that can take one of THE most annoying disco songs in the world and turn into a hard rock burner worth actually listening to, deserves more than Paula’s outstretched seal claps and Kara’s constant cooing about artistry. This girl turned it out! And even though she was wearing what equated to a leather leotard with weird pleather epaulets, she still managed to make this song one of the best o’ the night. Now if only we could see her actual hair color, I really think we’d be on to something. Unless it would be like seeing Mickey Mouse at Disneyland take his costume off and start guzzling Jack Daniels and smoking Marlboro Reds. Nobody wants to see that. Nobody. And it just might be like that for our Allison. America already doesn’t really like her much.
What. Are you wearing?
3. Matt Giraud
The best part about this performance was during the Results Show when Giraud went out of his way to let us all know that he did the arrangement himSELF. Take that, Glambert and your musical theatre-arranging pals! When I found out he was doing this song I was a little disappointed because it’s so unoriginal. It’s like going to TGI Fridays on a…Friday! But Matt did a pretty good job. That is, until he fell back on his Achilles heel of cramming every single scale and note into his closing thirty seconds. Almost as if he doesn’t make the song tapout by the end that Mick’s going to cut him when he gets back to his corner. So the first 1 minute and 15 seconds – good. Last 30 seconds – very un-fedora worthy.
Meh.
Danny Gokey
I’ve had just about enough of the Goke. To me, he’s officially worn out his welcome. And yo, dude, like, yo, I love…yo, I used to LOVE the Goke. Back when he was an amateur singer with a newly deceased wife. But now that he’s become immune to the Bottom Three even when he sucks, and it’s newsworthy when he DOESN’T wear glasses, and he sings some really tired songs with no inspiration, like “September”, I’m starting to see the point of all of those Anti-Gokes. It seems like more and more, Danny is sliding into Michael McDonald territory. Actually, I think the Doobie Brothers are still touring. He could step right in there after finishing third! That’s right, you heard me. Third.
Getting ready for that Doobie Brothers tour
Adam
Thanks for your arrangement for which you received assistance. Also, thank you for being upbeat one week, and soulful and artistic the next. That means this next week, we can expect an upbeat song that sucks. And just to make sure you’re paying attention, Glam Stoker’s Dracula will be sure to add some screeches and primal screams to the mix just because he can. You go, girl!
Please. Go away.
Sucked.
Anoop
Oh my boy Anoop. I’m sorry that you’ve been Chris Slighed in this competition. You start out all fun and upbeat and sing “My Prerogative” and “Beat It” and then get slammed, so you become the Lionel Richie of the show. It’s too bad that you couldn’t pick a quality song to go out on though. “Dim All The Lights”? You’re my boy, Anoop, but yes please.
A HairBall Coughed Up on the Linoleum Floor of Life
Lil
It’s not bad enough that Lil got stuck going first, but she also got stuck having to encrust all of her curves into what equated to a spandex body stocking. If you turned up the sound real loud, you could hear that leotard screaming. Screaming. I would hate to have been backstage when they shoehorned that thing on. This is why they have interns at Fox. But again, Lil sang a song. Chaka Khan. Just like Chaka Khan would have sung it if she was being portrayed by an awful Chaka Khan impersonator. We’ll be seeing ya, Lil. Nice work on the show, and I’m sorry that you’re not actually the second coming of Whitney Houston like they were trying to convince us of during Hollywood Week, but I’m sure there’s a cruise ship somewhere with your name on it. The S.S. Rounds. Sailing nightly to Baja. It comes with free room and board!
Where do you even BUY this? Your stylist HATED you!
P.S. Disco sucks.
Selecting favorite songs from movies usually means that we’re in for an entertaining week. The kids can pick some fun songs you know, from movies, and we get to see just what kind of freak Quentin Tarantino actually is. Because if any human could be a cartoon, it’s that dude. In fact he looks an awful lot like that Quagmire guy from “Family Guy.” I’ve never really seen a human with a square face before. But luckily, he directs movies so he can certainly direct our little singers! Singing and acting are practically the same thing! Just like George Clooney could probably teach a class on open heart surgery. Celebrities can do anything!
Quagmire
Tarantino. They iz the same person.
This was a great week for reminding us that our kids are about as original as popsicle sticks. And apparently they’re all fans of Bryan Adams or just songs that suck in general. With the exception of one of them. It also made the point that even when only two judges are talking, it’s just as annoying as having four talk at once. Randy is officially dead to me, and Paula really needs to fire her writer. She was spouting some kind of NONsense this week. But in that regard, it’s kind of nice to have the weird, seal-clapping Paula back.
Best O’ The Night
Best song of the night, hands down Randy(!!!!!) was Kris Allen. For me, for you America, even if you’ve never seen the movie “Once” before, you should be able to realize that this particular song (“Falling Slowly”) is amazing. And Kris sang it perfectly. Yes, maybe he did mess up one or two notes at the beginning, but once he got comfortable it was pretty spectacular. I got freaking goosebumps even and that hasn’t happened to me since David Cook’s “Billie Jean”, anything from Elliott Yamin, or since watching the final fight in “Rocky III” when the “Eye of the Tiger” came on. THAT’s how serious this is!
What? Is Randy talking or having a stroke?
But dude. Randy needs to hand in his resignation papers right now, or attend a school to actually learn a trade. The world needs quality pipefitters or welders, dawg. Because for someone who claims to be a “judge” and offer “insightful, helpful” comments. This man is an abomination. He even makes Paula look lucid, which as of last year I thought was next to impossible. Here’s his comments word for freaking word after Kris’ performance. I kid you not:
”Yo, Kris. All right, so check it out man. Uh, dude, for me…for me, for you tonight dude, I gotta tell you somethin’ man, I don’t know, I didn’t — it never quite caught on — for me. And I love, and yo, I love…I love that song. But for me it was pitchy from note one for me. For me!”
This man needs to be beat with a bag of hammers! And then be forced to listen to his own soundbites for weeks while he ponders what exactly “For me, for you” MEANS! Especially since he must have said it about 16 times tonight! You could put a mop in his chair, and when it fell, the sound IT makes would be more meaningful than the crap that just came out of Randy’s mouth! Kara, could you please slip a Twinkie or a roofie into his giant Coke glass and help us all? Kris wins tonight. Wins.
For me, for you…you make no sense.
The Rest
Allison Iraheta
On a night where you’ve got a full orchestra, violins, cellos and other frou frou instruments, I guess it’s a good idea to take advantage of them. Allison sang “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” from the crappy “Armageddon” movie. Needless to say, she kicked it right in the nether regions and made it cry. And even though she was the third Idol person in three seasons to sing this song, obviously her rendition was the best. And for the first time in pretty much ever, Simon has apparently been watching tape of past shows, and has finally realized that Allison sings each song she attempts as if she’s singing for a new bottle of Electric Magnesium Hot Pink Hair Dye Number 3. He returned from his Season 8-induced coma long enough to say that she could actually go all the way. WHAAAAAT? First of all Simon, you actually know her name? And what are you trying to do now? Jinx her with some Lil Rounds dust? This was a very weird set of events to start off the show.Kind of like staring directly into the sun and seeing a “Stryper” video instead. That totally happened to me once by the way.
Anoop
Apparently Anoop has decided that if he needs to stop visiting the bottom-dwelling silver stools of doom that he needs to sing a ballad every week until he dies. Which personally I’m fine with because he always does a nice job and he sang “Everything I Do, I Do It for Mary Elizabeth Mastrontonio playing Maid Marion” from Bryan Adams quite nicely. Unfortunately it gives the judges an automatic source of criticism, because they miss the “fun, energetic” Anoop that they love so much. It’s kind of like when you tell your alchoholic buddy that he’s so much more fun when he’s drunk, and when he’s sober, he’s no longer the “fun, energetic” drunk that you love being around. I feel like each week we watch Anoop shuffle off the stage and head right to the liquor store so that he can be the drunk friend we all like better. Just like your buddy, this is not going to end well.
Danny Gokey
The Goke is kind of starting to wear on me. He’s a good singer, and from the beginning has been one of my favorites, but the intense, emotionally astute Goke with the meaningful song choices week in and week out leaves me somewhat emotionally exhausted. Maybe he should have tried out next year, when he would have been a slightly pudgy 29-year old man who had actually had a chance to grieve for his dead wife so that every week we’re not subjected to another meaningful song where he can point heavenward. Sometimes I just want to sit on my couch, eat ramen and escape my daily duties as a nuclear submarine driver. Not have my mindless entertainment be invaded by actual emotion, sadness and “Endless Love!” If I wanted that, I would watch Law & Order. Probably the one with Ice T in it. That one’s sad.
Anyway, the Goke did ok. But that’s it. He also inserted his trademark left hand point and penetrating stare into the camera combo. I’m glad that Tarantino made him practice with his hands in his pockets. I noticed when he did that, his singing was much weaker. Almost Norman Gentle-ish. It’s almost like his moving his hands around like a helicopter is what gives him his power. He also tried to be No Glasses Man this week, and it was kind of like seeing your friend show up with a new moustache. You try not to stare and you don’t want to tell how weird his face looks, but you’re just hoping that he shaves it off soon or becomes a cop. Also, no matter what Danny does, Simon still finds a way to compliment him. Even when anyone else would be raked over the coals as if they were Allison Iraheta. “You performed without glasses beautifully tonight, Danny”
Danny. Glasses. Oh yeah, and his hands
Matt Giraud
Matt Giraud attempted “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman” to round out what was quickly becoming Bryan Adams week. The beginning of this song was great, but then he decided to kick away his piano bench and have the stupid band join him. Which then encouraged him to cram in every soulful run and signature “Whoa oooo” that has ever been invented. Sometimes I just wish the dude could sing a song straight without bending his notes in every direction like William Wallace at the end of “Braveheart.”
Adam Lambert
Oh boy. Where to start. Well one thing that I’ve noticed about Axl Rose Lite is that he SUCKS at picking songs. “Born to Be Wild”? Out of all the songs in all the movies in the world he’s picking that one? And then he picked “Play That Funky Music” two weeks ago? For someone so thoroughly entrenched in musical theater, he certainly does not have good taste in music. I’m suprised he didn’t try to sing a Jonas Brothers song, because “Jonas Brothers 3D–The Movie” just came out, y’all! Not even anything from Barbra Streisand or Dolly Parton? Your high school drama club must have been very disappointed. Anyway, I think I fell asleep during this song a few times, but he woke me up whenever he kicked into full caterwaul and started throwing his spandex clad legs around. It was kind of like watching “Grease” with an all vampire cast.
How can you root for this?
And speaking of rabid monkeys, let’s talk about Adam’s fans. Like Paula Abdul, some of them are freaking cray-zy! Let’s open up the mailbag to see what’s inside the psyche of an average Adam Lambert fan (heavily edited of course, because 4-year old children and my deceased grandma regularly read this site.)
From adam lambert fannnnnnn and you are a (piece of crap)
at the following email address: (redacted due to government investigation)
and the following IP address: 70.72.203.162
you know what everyone love him like i do
so if you talk about him then you are a (defecation) you off the toilet eww,
you know if you are not afried then i want to hear you sing i don’t think you can handle that job you (fornicator) because adam worked hard to get to the place he is now
get out of here you (defecant) maybe or you are wayyyyyyyyy uglier then him, or a fat geek sitting infront of the computer talking about celebrities that you are jealouse of because they were wayy better then you are
so next time you write something you better think about how to write it, get it
you mother (fornicator) (female dog) big fat hoe (self-explanatory) that can’t grow up and don’t even think about typing his name get!!!! it you (female dog) baster (never heard this one before) or you will be in seriouse troble by all his fan including me!!!!!!!
you know even you hate him or love him you are still talkin about him by that meaning you like him .
(make love to yourself)!!!
you big (butt) (whore) son of a (feminine dog)
DON’T EVER TALK ABOUT HIM !!!!!!!!! you mother (fornicator) (dog)
Whoo! Well if I may, I would love to respond to feilore’s email statement. In parts. First of all feilore@(redacted).com, the beautiful thing about typing an email response is that you can use this crazy thing called SPELL CHECK. Not only will your statements be more powerful, but they will actually make sense, you freaking nitwit. For example, “You off the toilet ewww, ” What? Why even insert the comma in the first place? Why pretend that you know any rules of grammar, after you’ve ignored even the most basic rule involving the capitalization of the first letter of each sentence? They probably don’t teach that in metal shop, though.
maybe or you are wayyyyyyyyy uglier then him, or a fat geek sitting infront of the computer talking about celebrities that you are jealouse of because they were wayy better then you are – Yes, feilore. I am way uglier than Adam and I am indeed a fat geek sitting in front of a computer. Hence the name of my site, dillweed. It’s not called “SexyAttractiveTrain.wordpress.com” Oh no, I’ll tell you and your unemployed mother that I am in fact a dork. And it goes without saying that if most of my communication takes place electronically, that I am also fat. However, your boy Adam is also a little soft around the edges and he performs for a freaking living! Also everyone knows that celebrities are sooooo much better than normal people! Why else would they keep them all contained in one place, with drug rehabilitation centers on every corner?! Pretending to be someone else for a two hour movie is haaaard work. It doesn’t even require that thing called spelling. Just reading and flossing. I could NEVER doooo that. I AM a little bit concerned that you feel so strongly about Adam that you need to write on a BLOG that NO ONE reads to stand up for your favorite fairy vampire. I mean, that’s just weird. How much time do they give you in County Jail to access the Interwebs?15 minutes a day, and you come here?
so next time you write something you better think about how to write it, get it
you mother (fornicator) (female dog) big fat hoe–I will feilore! I will THINK about something before I write it! And I think after thinking about it, that I will have gotten it. Get it? Thank you for the advice!
that can’t grow up and don’t even think about typing his name get!!!! it you (female dog) baster or you will be in seriouse troble by all his fan including me!!!!!!!–Thank you again, feilore! I will not even think about typing Adam Lambert’s name one more Adam Lambert time. One time I was watching Adam Lambert and I was thinking to myself, ” I wonder if I were to take the Adam Lambert bus to my Adam Lambert house in the Adam Lambert suburbs, where the Adam Lambert would I be?” Ooops. Am I now in seriouse troble by all his fan? I’m mighty scared of all one of his fan. Especially since I have no idea what “troble” even is! Is it something really frightening? Like chlamydia? Feilore?
DON’T EVER TALK ABOUT HIM !!!!!!!!! you mother (fornicator) (dog)–Thank you for your passion feilore@(redacted).com. I applaud it. The thing is, (redacted) last time I paid my taxes, (both state and federal, feilore. You should try it sometime. I know, I REALIZE that would require you to acquire some sort of gainful employment making my sandwiches from which the government could garnish your wages for taxation purposes. And while we’re at it, I WILL take mustard with that. And please toast it. ) I realized that this gained me entrance into the country of America where I can shout my opinion from the rooftops, even if it’s a contrary opinion to someone else who cannot spell and makes up entire words like “bitch baster.” Although that one WAS kind of funny. In short redacted, as the kids in junior high would say, you are a heaping bag of douche. That is all.
Lil Rounds
And back to the competition! Our girl Lil ended the show again in her second stint in the pimp spot. And she WASTED it. I think it was great that she tried something different that was NOT Mary J. Blige, but this girl is so intent on listening to every stupid thing that every stupid judge says, that she has no idea what color the sky is anymore. It’s blue, Lil. Blue. Every day. Especially in LA. Except when it’s gray from all of the smog. Girlfriend, you just need to sing good songs. That’s all. Even though Simon has now turned his back on you, I feel like you have a good voice. When you’re singing. Not when you’re talking. Your Mimphis drawl is wayyy too crazy for me. Anyway, the show ended with Lil and her fancy angular wig crying. Again. She really needs tougher skin, but then I realized she’s only 23. When I was 23, I barely knew how to pour my own bowl of cereal. If not for Pop Tarts, I would have died. She’ll get there. One day.
Yes Lil, you sucked again
The Results
Our boy Anoop was in the Bottom Three. Again. I think we need to get an intervention going soon, and we need to remove all sharp objects and ropes from his room in the mansion. Every results show Anoop looks like one of those kids from the “Kite Runner.” He is sad and knows his life sucks in Afghanistan. While Kris and Allison are joking around and slapping high fives during the results show, Anoop is constantly searching for a 1976 Impala, a garage and a garden hose. I’m worried about him.
Lil was also magically in the Bottom Three. I don’t believe that this has ever happened before. Ever! Her time on this show seems to be slowly drawing to a close. Unless she shocks the world and sings an acoustic song. Preferably not by Bryan Adams. But she’s so confused that you just know she’s going to find a way to make Mary J. Blige disco this week. And it will fail.
Matt Giraud’s somewhat shaky performance earned him his ticket off the show. But wait, what, what are they doing? What are those judges doing? Why is Randy wildly gesturing and doing the worst acting job known to man? We all know he would have to watch the show and come equipped with a pair of ears to be “fighting” to use the save. Wait, are they going to save Matt? My eyes! I can’t believe my eyes! I’ve just witnessed the judges freaking SAVE! It’s like seeing a mystical white wooly mammoth, or a narwahl that can shoot magical powers from it’s lone horn, or Simon wearing a shirt that is NOT a V-neck! I will never forget this day EVARRR! Even though they were sort of forced to use the save this week no matter who was in the bottom as they can only use it next week, and no one deserves to be saved on Disco Night. I’m going to email feilore@(redacted).com right now to talk about it! You should do the same, grandma!
First, a brief preface. I am old. If I can remember what I was doing almost to the minute on the day Allison was born (1992–NOT watching the Barcelona Olympics, but instead stuffing my face with a huge gelato in an Italian piazza) then I am one of two things: a freaking genius, or really, decrepitly old. And I am going to vote for the latter. (Or is it the former? And whoever coined this phrase is only slightly more pretentious than the people that try to use it.)
Now, our little talent show was a good time this week, because we get to see the crappy songs that the contestants select from the years that they were born. With an entire year’s worth of songs to pick from, why is it that the kids always seem to pick the dryer lint when they’ve got a perfectly good pair of argyle socks they can select instead? And since you asked, my selection for song from when I was born? Well that’s easy. Bon Jovi’s “Wanted: Dead or Alive.” And no, I wasn’t born in 1986, but the songs that were around in 1928 when I was born really suck.
What the junk is this?
1980
To start things off this week, we got the Goke who was given the opportunity to go first because he’s the oldest person in the competition. At least that we know of. I’m still convinced that Adam is a 46 year old woman with a youthful haircut, a PTA membership and a spangly girdle to keep everything in. But anyway, the Goke kind of cheated and sang “Stand by Me” a song that was originally written by cavemen trapped in ice 3,000 years ago. Although he did sing Mickey Gilley’s version of the song which was apparently from the year he was born. First of all, Mickey Gilley? I can understand David Cook breaking off a sweet cover version originally done by Chris Cornell, because he’s at least relevant, but I haven’t heard of Mickey Freaking Gilley since that one “Love Boat” episode he was on last in 1978. Where he was trapped in the Captains quarters with the ship’s purser, Julie. Who knew that Mickey Gilley actually had a song out in the last 28 years? Not me! Goker did a pretty good job, although the middle part was WAY too Mickey Gilley-ish.
1985
Kris Allen sang a Don Henley song that has always been a favorite of mine. Until he performed it with the crappy American Idol band and he planted himself in a sea of waving arms and awestruck pubescents. It was a good attempt, but with the trumpets trumpeting, and Kris strumming away on a guitar, and his mouth only opening at the sides to let the song come out while trying to get a glimpse of him through the swaying arms of the female populance in the Idol pit, there was a lot going on. I actually agreed with Kara for once, (when she’s not yammering on about this concept of “artistry” she can find a good point every now and then) and thought his “jazz funk homework” was trying a little bit too hard. Luckily, he’s hot. You know, if you like that sort of thing. (cough Adam cough)
1986
Why does the world have no love for Anoop? After five performances now, no one has been in the bottom three more than him with the exception of my favorite flame-haired belter. What does he have to do, people? He wears stylish sweaters! He sang a ballad this week which has always been, to quote Randy “right there in his wheelhouse” and he took “True Colors” and made it freaking better! And still, he is made to sit in the fancy stool of the doomed. Oh Anoop. Maybe when this is all over you can organize a Tour of Those That Were Kicked Off Too Soon with Alexis Grace, Iraheta, Felicia Barton and that one Cobra Kai guy who got beat in his tournament WAY too early. I’d pay to see that.
1984
And I’m relieved that Lil Rounds’ mother got to come on camera and defend her choice of name. Good work mama to the Rounds. I’m just glad that Lil didn’t marry a dude with the last name Wil. That would have been straight up weird, or she would have to ditch singing for rapping, which actually… might not be such a bad idea. To my relief, it appears that they have finally procured Lil a current, much better weave to place atop her head. One that actually causes her to look close to her age, and not like an 80-year old woman on her way to Bingo Night. But Lil, seriously. I don’t sing, like at all, yet even I know the key to going far on American Idol is to take unique, interesting songs and change ‘em up all Lil-style. Not pick songs from the top 6 Female Singers Evarrr and mimic their style and phrasing, exactly! Did you notice that she even came out just LIKE Tina Turner. It was like watching a music video from the 1980’s except Lil’s hair was only a slight improvement over Tina’s mocha streaked mop. And once again, Lil beat her song into submission until it was crying for mercy and begging to be smothered with a pillow. Every week, the judges say this: “This week I was really looking forward to you coming out and showing what you’re made of…” and every week, she does the same stupid Whitney or Mariah or Mary J. Blige song, except worse. Luckily, I’ve had her figured out since Hollywood Week. She ain’t that good, people! She’s a backstory with back! And she attempts to swallow the microphone every time she sings. Lil, listen. You need to sit on a stool, with one spotlight and sing a SOFT, acoustic version of something. Anything. Even that stupid “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” that Katharine McPhee liked so much. Do that, and you’ll dominate. But…I know you won’t.
1985
Blind Dude. Electric Guitar. Shorter Afro. One the Sweetest Survivor Songs Ever. Still Can’t Sing.The judges started to be a little bit meaner to him, like a cat batting around a mouse before he kills and eats it, but they still could have been much more no-nonsense. I think Simon did this on purpose, as he’s so checked out, he’s trying to encourage all of the disabilities to try out next year. Have no face, or mouth to sing with? Come on out! We’ll put you through to an 8th place finish, No Face Person! It’s going to be a disaster next year.
1992
Allison Iraheta can get absolutely no Simon love. I’m starting to think that she needs to dye her hair blond, get giant boob implants and change her name to Cameron Summers or Cassidy Jones or something so that Simon will rouse himself from his weekly nap long enough to pay attention to her, even though yes Randy, she IS singing her freaking face off! The British dude HATES her for some reason, and he continues to sabotage her every week. My favorite MexAmerican can sing like a younger, raspier Whitney Houston, and all he can do is doodle in his notebook “Adam Lambert is the best vampire singer EVARRR. I imagine him holding me in his cold, Edward Cullen-esque arms while he calls me Bella” and dotting the i’s with hearts. I now only watch her every week to not just witness a virtuoso performance but to see just how far under the actual bus or bread delivery truck, or kidnapper van he will throw her. Mark my words, this week will be no exception. She will bring Paula to tears (not all that uncommon) and Simon will be drawing a tattoo on Paula’s hindquarters in sidewalk chalk. I shitake mushroom you not.
1985
Matt Giraud: wearing a fedora jauntily cocked. Kara goes wild before he even starts singing. He then takes on Stevie Wonder’s “Part Time Lover” which makes me groan and cover my face in fear. The Giraud Squad is going to take this cheesy ’80’s song and make it WURSE. But he does not. He does a fine job with it. I would not have yelled out “Standing O” a la Paula, but I would have yelled out something more appropriate like “You can be Paula’s part-time lover anytime. No really, she would like that, she’s lonely and has many shih tzu’s. And since Emilio, she really hasn’t dated much. No really. Call her.” I probably would have said something like that.
1982 (or… ‘62)And then for the night’s “emotional” conclusion: Adam Lambert bathed in blue light, everybody! Except I was one of millions who missed his heartfelt rendition of GARY JULES version of “Mad World” circa 2004 because my DVR shut off. I mean, you can’t expect a show to go over by EIGHT freaking minutes, and not have my DVR skip over to record the rest of “Biggest Loser”, Seacrest. Why don’t you move things along in the beginning, when they spend 12 minutes talking about how DISAPPOINTED they are that Lil Rounds sucked it up again? We need to hire Bill Conte from the Oscars to start playing music when they spend way too much time chatting on the stools in the first 23 minutes, so they don’t have to sprint towards the end. Honestly. But in actuality, I looked at it as a gift from the DVR gods. Instead of having to fastforward through the judge worship at the end of his performance, I just had to turn off YouTube before that point.
I quite enjoyed the interview with his family, as they all seem so normal, and his family seems eerily well adjusted for having a boy vampire. Do you think they know? As further proof, I did catch a glimpse of 6-year old Adam in a nice little vampire costume there for a second, so yes people, I have been right all this time. He IS undead and immortal! I thought that Adam’s performance of a Tears for Fears song that had been re-done in 2004 was pretty good. However,I certainly wouldn’t have expected Simon to actually get out of his chair, which is something he NEVER does. I’m thinking with the show going long, he was due for a smoke, and was standing up just to move that along. He certainly has SOMETHING for our little Adam, doesn’t he? But as I am learning, the Lambert has some PASSIONATE fans. Including Simon. But more on that later.
